I Dreamed a Dream

This whole being pregnant thing is still pretty surreal. I’m almost 11 weeks now, but for the most part, I don’t feel much different. Life, aside from planning for the changes to come, is still pretty much the same. Sometimes, it’s hard to imagine motherhood. That’s a whole new ballgame, with so many responsibilities and changes. It’s hard to grasp. Other times, I stare off into space and daydream about warm spring days, hanging out with a small child. Oh, I’m going to have fun…blowing bubbles, catching lightning bugs, it will be like recapturing the wonder of childhood all over again.


Life has turned out nothing like I imagined it. I imagined going to college, and getting a degree. Check. I imagined having a career that I loved and looking forward to getting up every morning to be able to do something I enjoy thoroughly. Uh… Not check. It’s not all bad though. Some things have turned out differently, because my dreams have changed. I always thought I’d have kids (although mainly, because I didn’t want to be an old widow with no family left, and adoption was my plan for getting them). In high school, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I thought that equated to a lack of ambition, and success. That’s one area in which my dreams have changed. I’ve come to believe that it’s good to stay home with your kids. That particular belief changed after I worked at a daycare/preschool. I decided I’d take care of my own kids, thank you very much. The idea of having my own kids, as opposed to adopting them, changed when I got married. My precious husband always wanted kids. Love does funny things to a girl.

Now, I’m at a strange place. I don’t know if I’m at a crossroads so much as a place where dreams collide, and merge. I still dream of some of the same things I did when I was young. I dream of a career that I love, that makes decent money, and that allows me time and means to help others in a big way. I also dream of staying home, raising my kids, baking banana bread, and greeting my husband at the door with a smile and a kiss. It’s safe to say, I dream of something bigger than what I have right now. I pray that God will take my dreams and shape them as He wants, and show me how to reach them. Hopefully, in the next several months, I can take the first step toward a bigger dream, a God-given dream.