It's settled- The Long Story

I want to stay home with my baby.
If you had told me a few years ago that I would say that, I would’ve thought you were crazy. I know some girls dream of getting married and having kids from the time they’re little. They tote around a baby doll, and nurture it as if it were a living creature. I was not one of those girls. Sure, I had dolls, and I even played with them…some. The memories I have of playing with dolls is putting them in their beds, and going outside. I might’ve had one under my arm while playing “army” with my older brother, but that was mostly because I needed someone to out-rank.

When I was in school, I wanted to do BIG things. I wanted to be a paramedic when I was three. It’s rumored I said I wanted to be a truck driver around age six (ok, it isn’t rumor. They got it on tape during a first grade oral book report—some of the parents of other kids remind me of it to this day, and laugh). Throughout most of grade school, and middle school, I wanted to be a country singer. I’ll be honest; I still think that would be about the most fun job ever. In high school, I wanted to be a surgeon. By my senior year, I had changed it to Pediatrician. Although, to be honest, I don’t think I ever REALLY knew what I wanted to do, especially in college.

In college, I changed my focus. I knew I wouldn’t really be happy as a doctor, so I changed my major. I thought about Journalism, but I couldn’t quite picture myself there either. I finally got a broad degree. I thought it was smart. I’d been told that because of how much the job market has been changed by technology in the last several years, it’s no longer wise to go into a career thinking you’ll do it forever. I still wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do, so I thought that was another reason a broad degree would be best. I would have options. That backfired. It turned out that no one really knew what my degree was, so they shied away. They also wanted experience, which I didn’t have. So, I ended up in a job, which my college degree helped me get, that I don’t enjoy at all.

I was thinking about going back to school for another degree. I was researching options, and getting excited. I would go back in the fall. And then, it happened: A positive pregnancy test and a due date for September. Ok, so I would have to wait a little longer to go back to school. In the meantime, I would stay where I’m at. After all, the insurance isn’t too bad, and I’m going to need that over the next several months.

I worked at a daycare in college, and I decided then that I didn’t want my child in daycare. I don’t know what will happen come September. I’m kind of leaving it up to God. In the meantime, I started researching daycare costs in the town we work in, and where we do all of our business. Daycare will take 40% of my take home pay. And then, I read that in this county, almost 60% of daycares are only 1 star facilities. That isn’t very comforting! After I read that, I started researching ways to work from home. So, please pray that either Dean’s job picks up enough that we can afford for me to stay home, or that I can find something to do from home to make up for my income. It’s funny how much God has changed my view and my dreams in the last few years.

P.S-  I told you it was a long story.

Pregnancy Schedule

This is what my little raspberry looks like now. Ok, so the little doll doesn’t actually look like a lemon, but they’re about the same length. This whole, I’m 13 weeks and 3 days, so I’m in the 14th week thing is still kind of weird, but here we are:

Did you know at this point, although a baby is only about 4 inches long, it is making facial expressions? Crazy stuff. My child will need an array of expressions to be able to react properly to Dean. Yes, baby…Daddy’s kind of weird.

Anyway, at the size of a lemon, this baby already thinks it’s in charge. I am no longer in charge of my own body. If it says eat, I better eat, and fast. It is trying diligently to change my sleep schedule as well. I now wake up several times during the night to go to the bathroom. When it finally slacks off, and I can really get some sleep, it’s time to get up. I would be happy to be accommodating, and sleep till 7 or 8am, but I have this thing called a job. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about unborn children, it’s that they do not listen to reason.

5 Things I’ve learned about Pregnancy so far…

1. Approximately 50-90% of pregnant women have morning sickness. I am one of the lucky ones who have managed to avoid it (thus far).

2. It is imperative that I eat on time. If I get too hungry, I start feeling nauseous.

3. Acne is a symptom. No kidding, my face resembles that of a teenage boy. So much for that “pregnancy glow.”

4. I hold my breath while putting on mascara, because the smell bothers me. It doesn’t make me nauseous, it just bothers me.

5. I am more easily annoyed. My most current annoyance is that it is not consistently 70 degrees or above, and sunny. I would appreciate the next 6 months being sunny with a high of 75 (not too much wind, maybe a light breeze)…everyday.

Prenatal Appointment #2

Yesterday was my second prenatal appointment. The first one was mostly an information session, so this one really got down to business. Before my appointment, I had to have blood drawn. At the appointment, they poked and prodded, and asked questions and answered questions. I guess I should get used to that. They took blood samples, and other samples to check for everything under the sun. They asked if I had any questions, but I can never think of any while I’m there. In fact, when I do occasionally think of something to ask, I forget what it was before I get to where I can write it down.


She reminded me to eat lots of protein, and fruits and vegetables, etc. Ok, I can do that. She said avoid fast food. I can do that too. She said limit sweets: cakes, cookies, pies. Yep, that can be done. And, she said limit bread. Say what? Now, let’s not get crazy.

Last, but not least, we heard the heartbeat. It’s a very comforting sound. I get a little nervous sometimes, because I can barely keep a plant alive. Good thing my body pretty much takes care of that for me, and I don’t have to rely on talent or skill. It was beating at a strong 160 bpm. That seems fast, but the smaller something is, the faster their heart beats. An elephant’s heart beats only 12 times per minute, if you want to compare. I wonder what the heart rate is for a blue whale.

We don’t have results back from any of the tests, but I’m not worried. I think it’s safe to say I don’t have HIV, and I’ll be interested to know my blood type. I go back every four weeks until about 6 months, then I’ll go every two, and toward the end, every week. It was a good day.

I Dreamed a Dream

This whole being pregnant thing is still pretty surreal. I’m almost 11 weeks now, but for the most part, I don’t feel much different. Life, aside from planning for the changes to come, is still pretty much the same. Sometimes, it’s hard to imagine motherhood. That’s a whole new ballgame, with so many responsibilities and changes. It’s hard to grasp. Other times, I stare off into space and daydream about warm spring days, hanging out with a small child. Oh, I’m going to have fun…blowing bubbles, catching lightning bugs, it will be like recapturing the wonder of childhood all over again.


Life has turned out nothing like I imagined it. I imagined going to college, and getting a degree. Check. I imagined having a career that I loved and looking forward to getting up every morning to be able to do something I enjoy thoroughly. Uh… Not check. It’s not all bad though. Some things have turned out differently, because my dreams have changed. I always thought I’d have kids (although mainly, because I didn’t want to be an old widow with no family left, and adoption was my plan for getting them). In high school, I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I thought that equated to a lack of ambition, and success. That’s one area in which my dreams have changed. I’ve come to believe that it’s good to stay home with your kids. That particular belief changed after I worked at a daycare/preschool. I decided I’d take care of my own kids, thank you very much. The idea of having my own kids, as opposed to adopting them, changed when I got married. My precious husband always wanted kids. Love does funny things to a girl.

Now, I’m at a strange place. I don’t know if I’m at a crossroads so much as a place where dreams collide, and merge. I still dream of some of the same things I did when I was young. I dream of a career that I love, that makes decent money, and that allows me time and means to help others in a big way. I also dream of staying home, raising my kids, baking banana bread, and greeting my husband at the door with a smile and a kiss. It’s safe to say, I dream of something bigger than what I have right now. I pray that God will take my dreams and shape them as He wants, and show me how to reach them. Hopefully, in the next several months, I can take the first step toward a bigger dream, a God-given dream.